Hard To Stay Read online

  My exhausted body dropped to the cold mattress as I stared up at the ceiling and debated on what to do. The minutes slowly ticked by before the inevitable knock on my door eventually came. For a split second I debated on whether or not to answer it. I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes and sat up.

  Avoiding him would only prolong this conversation. We needed to talk. I walked right by the mirror over my dresser without looking. I didn’t need to glance at my reflection to know that I looked like hell. It might actually serve him right to see the damage he had caused.

  With my hand paused on the doorknob, I braced for what was sure to be a major confrontation. When the door swung open, my heart froze. I blinked my eyes hoping this was a bad dream.

  “Hello, Alexis. Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Colton’s presence brought a sense of dread that could be felt all the way into my bones. My brain was screaming at me to slam the door in his face and run, but my body was frozen in fear. I closed my eyes wishing I was back in that club instead of staring at my worst nightmare.

  “What do you want from me, Colton?”

  He cocked his head to the side, his dark eyes hardened as they slid over me. “I think you know.”

  I could not deal with this shit right now. I was on an emotional overload as it was. I didn’t have the energy to play his head games. Staring up at him, my mind searched for something to say.

  “You shouldn’t be here. Brad is on his way.” My instincts were screaming at me to run, but my muscles were growing weaker by the second.

  Colton leaned against the doorjamb like he didn’t have a care in the world. He looked so put together, like he was just stopping by for a visit, like nothing had ever happened.

  “Really? He looked a little preoccupied at the club when I left.” His eyes were testing for my reaction.

  My worst fears had come true. He had been following me the entire time.

  With a shaky voice I held onto the doorknob for support. “Please leave me alone.”

  Colton just ignored my plea and breezed right past me, walking into my apartment like he had been there a thousand times. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes into slits. “Close the door, Alexis.”

  I knew that voice. It was the one he used when he meant business. It was the voice that had preceded more than one black eye. I responded to his command and wordlessly did as he asked. I knew what would happen if I didn’t.

  I stood against the door and crossed my arms acting like the space between us provided some type of protection. My body wanted to run, but my brain knew he would only catch up to me, eventually. The only chance I had was to stand up to him. Show him I wasn’t the timid little creature that he used to control. I would not cower, but I could still beg. Whatever it took to get him away from me, I would do.

  “Colton, please leave me alone. I’m trying to move on with my life. I’m happy here. You claim to love me. Don’t you want to see me happy?”

  He stepped towards me, closing the space between us. He lifted my chin forcing me to look into his cold, hard eyes. “Happy?” He said, as he gripped my chin tightly. “You don’t look very happy right now. You’ve been crying.”

  I blinked back the tears, unable to deny it. “Yes.” I admitted, looking away. My resolve grew weaker by the second.

  “You know, I’ve done a lot of research on your new boy toy.” My nerves unraveled as his breath hit my face. “That woman he left you for at the club, that’s his ex, Emily.” He dipped his head slowly and ran his nose along my jaw. I closed my eyes and tried to shut down. “You know he will always love her more than you, don’t you? She was his once in a lifetime. You know how I know?” My subconscious was screaming at him to stop as the tears trickled down my cheek. This is what Colton did best; he liked to break me down until I was too weak to defend myself. “Because you’re mine. He will never love you more than I do. Because he still loves her. It will always be her. It’s probably her face he sees when he’s fucking you.”

  “Stop!” I pushed on his shoulders trying to drive him away. My heart was literally breaking from his words. As much as I didn’t want them to be true, there would always be that small flicker of doubt.

  He cupped my face as I tried to shake my head. “I will never stop loving you or fighting for you. You are my once in a lifetime. We belong together. You’re just lost and I’m here to help you find your way back. You belong with me, Alexis.”

  The second his lips landed on mine I pushed back against his hard chest. “Don’t touch me!” I shouted through my tears.

  His hands fell to the side. “I don’t want to hurt you. I only want to love you.” He spat out through clenched teeth.

  A fearful laugh escaped between my sobs. “Are you for real?” I shot back, feeling a small flicker of strength return. “All you ever did was hurt me, physically and emotionally.”

  “I’m sorry that I got physical with you. I’m a changed man now. I would never do that to you again.”

  I blinked. Did he really believe the shit that was coming out of his mouth? I shook my head defiantly, already knowing the answer. He distorted the facts in order to convince himself of his own lies.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head, keeping my eyes shut tight. “I can’t forget. You’ve hurt me too much.”

  “Are you talking about Laney?” He asked sounding annoyed. “I was only with her because she reminded me so much of you. You were shutting me out. Denying me what was mine. I just wanted to feel close to you again. I used her. It meant nothing to me. You’re all I ever wanted.”

  I stared at him in disbelief. “You fucked my sister to feel closer to me?”

  He was losing his patience. I could see it written all over his face. He was putting on a good show, but I knew what was behind the mask. It was the person who liked to control and manipulate.

  He gritted his teeth trying to hide the rage that brewed inside him. “Please don’t swear, Alexis, you’re better than that.”

  My mouth hung open, searching for words. “After everything I just said, that’s what you’re focusing on. My fucking swearing?”

  He drew in a calculated breath and pulled his lips into a firm line. “Please, stop this nonsense. You don’t belong here.” He glanced around my apartment in disgust. “You belong with me. I’ve allowed you to have your fun, now it’s time to come home.” I took a step back as his eyes narrowed at me dangerously.

  My heart raced. I could smell his familiar cologne. I used to love the way he smelled until I started to associate that smell with the night he forced himself on me. I grew sick as he trailed his hands along my jawline. I didn’t want him to touch me. His lips started to trail kisses down my neck, ignoring my whimpers. I was reliving the nightmare of that night all over again. Why couldn’t I get my body to move?

  “Please,” I begged, feeling the hot tears sting my eyes.

  The smell of his breath on my skin turned my stomach. How could someone who looked so beautiful on the outside be so ugly on the inside? “Don’t fight this, Alexis, let me show you how much I love you. Let me remind you how good we are together.”

  I closed my eyes. God, why couldn’t I make him stop? My body was numb, and I tried real hard to muster up the strength I needed to get away from him. His hands slid down my arms, causing my stomach to churn. “I’ve missed you so much.” He dragged his lips down my neck and across my shoulder. “I’m going to make you forget all about him.”

  “No!” I shouted, trying to push him off of me, but it was no use. He was too strong.

  He yanked my wrist. I felt his fingers dig into my flesh. “Please don’t fight me, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Stop! Please… just stop!” I pleaded, as his nails continued to dig into my skin.

  Just then, the door to my apartment flew open. Brad’s eyes scanned the room and landed on me. I felt a flood of relief flow through me. He was here. He came back for me.

  Before I could register what was happening. Brad
rushed in, grabbing Colton by the shirt and threw him up against the wall. I watched as Brad reached his arm back and repeatedly landed punch after punch to Colton’s face. I heard the sick sound of flesh striking flesh as Colton’s arms dropped uselessly to his sides. Brad frantically landed blow after blow and I watched as Colton made no attempt to defend himself. Colton knew how to land a punch; I knew that for a fact. So why wasn’t he fighting back?

  “Brad, stop! That’s enough.” I screamed, through hiccupped sobs. I staggered across the room and held his arm back, but not before he landed one last punch to Colton’s mouth. Colton just slid down the wall, blood poured from his split lip and what was almost certainly a broken nose. He was a bloody mess. His eyes were swollen shut like a boxer in the 12th round of a prize fight. I sensed something was off, but I was too frantic to give it much thought.

  Brad took a cautious step in my direction, reaching his arms out to me. “Are you okay?” He asked, whispering into my hair. I felt his hands caress along my back

  The words were stuck in my throat, but I managed to get them out. “Thank you.” I said, against his chest as he held me close and gently stroked my hair.

  He pulled back and looked at my face. He tenderly lifted my chin up to make sure I was indeed okay. I could still feel his body shake with adrenaline. “You’re sure you’re okay?

  I’d never been more relieved in my life. I didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up. All I wanted to do was wrap myself in his arms where I felt safe. I was so damned scared, and judging by the way he searched my face for an answer, he was just as upset as I was.

  “Brad, I’m fine.” My gaze drifted to where Colton laid passed out on my floor, a bloody mess. Brad hissed out a breath and pulled out his phone. I watched him punch some numbers on the screen before he brought it to his ear.

  “Get the fuck to Lexi’s apartment now! And bring your cuffs.” He shouted, and ended the call.

  He stood back and ran his hands through his hair while looking around the room. Colton’s swollen eye popped open. Brad stormed across the room and picked him up by the shirt, dragging him to the bathroom. He pushed him inside where I heard Colton’s head land with a thud.

  “Don’t fucking move until the cops get here.” He shouted, slamming the door. He walked to my desk, and dragged the chair across the room, placing the back under the knob to keep him locked in.

  My body was still trembling. I couldn’t get my brain to form a coherent sentence. What the hell just happened?

  While we waited for Sawyer and Lucas, he took advantage of our time alone and silently inspected every inch of visible flesh. His eyes dropped to where Colton had grabbed me. There was a purplish-blue mark, along with a red cut along my wrist.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay.” I tried to reassure him, but a look of rage remained on his face. I wanted to lean in and kiss away all his worries, but I still wasn’t sure what was going on between us. We hadn’t really talked about what happened at the club, and I was grateful that we had an excuse to not talk about it.

  I’d never felt so safe and so confused at the same time. A few minutes later Sawyer, Lucas and Faith arrived. As soon as they stepped into my tiny apartment, their eyes registered what had just happened.

  Faith came running up to me while Brad wasted no time filling everyone in. My back was turned so I couldn’t hear everything they were saying. All I heard was, “Fuck, Morgan. I’m so sorry, man.” That was Lucas.

  Faith continued to run her hands down my hair as I dried my tears and then slid onto my brown leather recliner. My apartment was small and with the main room being filled with men as big as mountains, it felt cramped. Still, having them gathered to come to my rescue meant more to me than they could ever imagine.

  Sawyer kneeled down in front of me. “What happened?” He asked, with a look of genuine concern.

  “When I heard the knock at the door, I thought it was Brad.” I snuck a glance at him, watching him pace the room with his hands on his hips. He was still wired and out of sorts. No, scratch that. He looked like he was about ready to lose his shit. I swallowed and forced my attention back to Sawyer.

  “Did he break in?” He asked, with a wary voice.

  I shook my head. “No, I let him in.”

  All eyes turned to me. “I thought I could reason with him. It started out fine, but then he became more aggressive.” I didn’t want to tell them how scared I was or admit how powerless I felt. That was the last thing Brad needed to hear, so I downplayed it.

  Sawyer shot Brad a look and leaned in. “Did he hurt you?” The concern is his voice was evident.

  Brad stopped and squeezed his eyes shut like he had a painful migraine. I swallowed the lump in my throat while my mind raced. I wasn’t sure how to answer that.

  I straightened my back and exhaled a deep breath. “He tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away. That only agitated him even more.”

  Sawyer tried to keep his voice calm and steady “Then what happened?”

  “I started screaming at him and that’s when Brad rushed in.”

  Sawyer nodded, then his mouth set in a grim line. “What happened when Brad got here?”

  Faith squeezed my shoulder as Brad stood off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest. “Colton had grabbed me by the wrist and I was crying. Brad rushed over and threw him up against the wall and started punching him.”

  Sawyer’s head popped up. “Did Colton even try to defend himself?”

  “No, not at all.” Sawyer knitted his brows together and gave a sharp look towards Brad and Lucas.

  He inhaled deeply. “Morgan, this shit isn’t looking good, man.”

  Brad made his way over and I moved aside to make room for him in the chair. I ducked my head under his chin and wrapped my arms around his stomach allowing the heat from his body to keep me warm.

  Brad leveled his gaze on Sawyer. “I don’t care what it looks like. That fucker entered her apartment without an invite and he started to…” Brad caught his words before he finished his sentence. “I want you to throw whatever charges you can think of at him and make them stick. I’ll be there in the morning. Right now, I just want to get her home to my place. You got me?”

  Sawyer pulled on the ends of his hair in frustration. It was clear there was something they weren’t telling me, but Brad didn’t seem to care. “Fine.” Sawyer huffed out, sulking in silence.

  Faith stood up and cleared her throat. “I’ll swing by in the morning.” She leaned in to kiss the top of my head.

  Lucas took a tentative step towards me. “Lexi, I never should have let you leave by yourself. I’m so sorry.” Regret was written all over his face and I immediately wanted to wipe it off.

  I stood up, untangling myself from Brad’s arms. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Please don’t blame yourself.” I pleaded with him, and leaned in giving him a hug.

  He held me back examining my face. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow.” He said, as Brad stood and pulled me tight against him. If I ever had a big brother, I would want someone just like Lucas. Finally, he turned to Brad. “I’m sorry I fucked up, brother.”

  “The only one who fucked up tonight was me. I’ve got no one to blame but myself.” He replied, leading me to the door.

  “Wait, what about…” I slanted my head toward the bathroom where Colton was still locked in.

  Lucas waved his hand in the air. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him. Just go get some rest.”

  I blinked, not sure I wanted to know what “taking care of him” entailed. Frankly, I was too exhausted to even worry about it.

  I grabbed my purse off the counter and Brad reached for my hand to lace our fingers together.

  “Come on, let’s get you home.”

  All I heard was him referring to his place as OUR home. Maybe there was hope for us after all?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Brad

  As soon as the apartment door shut beh
ind me, I made a beeline straight to the liquor cabinet. Without wasting a second, I filled a single glass to the rim of Makers Mark and tossed it back in one gulp. I still had his blood on my hands, a gruesome reminder of how close I came to putting Colton out of everyone’s misery tonight. My erratic thoughts bombarded my brain. Between the ‘Emily’ stunt that I pulled at the club and what went down at Lexi’s apartment, I didn’t know which way was up.

  Hearing the panic in her voice and seeing the look of crazy in his eyes caused a rush of fear to race through my veins like never before. My vision grew hazy with rage, and time seemed to move in slow motion. Once I got my hands on that sorry piece of shit, I couldn’t stop myself.

  “Talk to me, Brad.” Lexi’s quiet voice broke through my thoughts. The second our eyes met, my heart started to throb in my chest.

  “I’m so damned sorry, Lexi.” I admitted, dropping my gaze to the floor. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

  “What are you sorry for?” She asked, taking a couple of tentative steps in my direction. I summoned the courage to look up into her baby blues, and then I lost it.

  Lexi reached out and wrapped her arms around me. “For not getting there sooner.” I tried to explain, feeling the tears push through my eyes. I’d only cried twice that I could remember. Once when Emily left me and the other time at my father’s funeral. Neither of those times were as gut wrenching as this. I felt like I had failed her.

  Her touch was soft and gentle. “I don’t want to talk about Colton.” My eyes slid shut. Great! She wanted to talk about Emily. I wasn’t sure which conversation would be worse.

  “It killed me when I saw you run to her tonight.” She admitted, pulling her body away from mine.

  “I know.” I told her, trying to hold it together. Her insecurities about Emily had tested our relationship from the beginning. I never thought I could hate myself as much as I did in that moment. My hand brushed away the tears that had fallen from her thick lashes. “I don’t know why I reacted that way when I saw her.”